He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You took a bar mat shot.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
