Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
