Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize