New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I've blown a few things in my day
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
