There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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