I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize