I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
a search helicopter?!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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