I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
