Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
