I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Sober January is a disaster.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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