im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
