so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
