Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
