dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
