Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think my fart just growled at me.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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