She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize