The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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