i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
