I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
