I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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