my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
