What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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