I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
