I want to make a zoo with you.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
