and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
