So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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