Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
nutella sex= disaster
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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