At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
