Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
