I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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