So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
