2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
