my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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