the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Randomize
