He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
