be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
