For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
