i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
