I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
