im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
