thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
