he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
