I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
