I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize