god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
