Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
