I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
