At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
