You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
