I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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