My Higher Power is John Stamos
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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