Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
