And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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