Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
