I must be too annoying 4 u.
another moral hangover. fuck.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
