Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
