Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
