Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You've changed since you got that strap on
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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