Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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