I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
