he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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