My underwear smells like fireworks.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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