I CAN MOONWALK!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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