you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
