did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
