True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
