I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
