I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
