oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My vagina just recognized that song.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
