I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
