The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize