I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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