Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
