You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
