Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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