Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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