my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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