The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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