it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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