Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I've blown a few things in my day
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
